There’s nothing wrong with wanting good feelings. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting bad feelings. It’s very human!
Most of us come to something like mindfulness meditation because we want to feel more calm, relaxed, and compassionate. We want more of those good feelings! We might also want to feel less of those bad feelings like stress, anxiety, anger, fear.
It’s very natural for human beings to want something that feels pleasant, and avoid something that feels unpleasant. In other words, we want to hold on to what we like, and push away what we don’t like.
Unfortunately, this tendency ends up causing more stress and anxiety for us, because as we all know, we can’t always get or keep what we like, and we can’t always avoid what we don’t like.
With mindfulness, we do something completely different from this habitual tendency. We practice nonjudgmental awareness:
- We don’t chase after or hold on to feelings or thoughts that we like.
- We don’t push away or try to get rid of feelings or thoughts that we don’t like.
- We simply observe our thoughts and feelings.
- We let them go, and return our attention to this moment, to the breath that we are taking right now.
Paradoxically, when we just do that, we sometimes get a good feeling. Calmness and relaxation are very common side effects of mindfulness meditation.
But we don’t have to do anything special to make it happen. And we don’t have to feel disappointed when it doesn’t happen.
We simply notice what we are feeling and thinking, gently let them go, and come back to the breath.
We might even notice how the breath is teaching us. The breath never tries to hold on to anything. The breath never tries to push anything away. The breath just takes everything in, and then lets everything go. Over and over again. By connecting with our breath, we connect with the present moment. By watching our breath, we learn about mindfulness, and we are practicing mindfulness.
Mindfulness FAQ 