How Do I Work with Anger?

Anger is a common human emotion, like sadness, happiness, disgust, and fear.

Anger has a few different flavors. On one end of the spectrum, there’s fiery rage and seething anger. On the other end of the spectrum, there’s frustration and impatience, which are more subtle forms of anger.

Anger has negative effects on both intrapersonal and interpersonal levels. Intrapersonal means “within a person” (body, self, and mind), and interpersonal means “between people.”

Intrapersonal effects of anger are ways it makes us feel inside. Anger often doesn’t feel good on a physical and emotional level. Frequent bouts of anger or being in a chronic state of anger can be unhealthy, as it may contribute to health problems such as high blood pressure, insomnia, anxiety, headache, digestion problems, to name a few.

Interpersonal effects of anger are ways it impacts our relationships with other people. As we may know from personal experience, speaking and/or acting out of anger may lead to arguments, discord, stressful situations, and strained interpersonal relationships.

How can mindfulness help? On an intrapersonal level, mindfulness can help sooth and calm. Mindfulness activates the rest and digest response, when we simply take a deep breath and bring our awareness to the breath. By doing that, we dampen the flight or flight response that anger activates. We breathe, we relax our tension, our heart rate slow down, our blood pressure goes down.

On an interpersonal level, mindfulness cultivates increased awareness and flexibility. During moments of anger, it can be hard to remember to take some mindful breaths, or to have some awareness of the words we are about to say, and making a conscious choice around how we choose to respond. With regular mindfulness practice, there is a bit more space during moments of anger, and in that broadened space we can notice the anger arising, and perhaps actively choose a response as opposed to reacting out of anger. In a way, mindfulness helps lengthen the fuse, so that we have more time to think clearly before the bomb explodes.

How do we practice with anger when it’s arising? We notice the thoughts and physical sensations around this anger, allow them to be there, and just breathe into them. If possible, we can take a good look at the thoughts that are driving this anger or frustration.

Oftentimes, these are thoughts about how we expect things to be, how we expect others to be, and even how we expect ourselves to be. Simply put, we are angry or frustrated because those expectations are not met. In that moment of anger, as those thoughts are arising in our minds along with the physical reactions in our bodies (increased heart rate and blood pressure, tightening of body, limbs, and face, etc), can we gently let go of our thoughts and expectations of how things should be, return our attention to the breath, and just breathe?

It takes honesty and willingness to do this practice. It’s up to us, whether we want to be consumed in the anger of our own self-righteousness, or to make the choice to let go and return to the openness of the present moment.