How Do I Work with Guilt?

Guilt is a feeling that we have done something wrong. It could be that we did something we believe we shouldn’t have, such as lying to our partner, or lashing out at someone. Conversely, it could be that we feel bad for not doing something that we believe we should have, such as not being there for someone in need, or failing to reach a goal to which we committed.

Interestingly, guilt goes hand in hand with judgment. In a court of law, a judgment is literally made regarding a person’s guilt or innocence. So, if we feel guilt, might it mean that we are judging ourselves? Ironically, in this case, we are both the judge and the accused.

Mindfulness practice is the nonjudgmental awareness of the present moment. Can we see the thoughts we have around self-judgment, and let them go? Then come back to this moment, because whatever we did or didn’t do, that is already in the past. There is nothing we can do to change what has already happened, but there is something we can do to direct our behavior in this moment and from this point forward.

If our behavior was incongruent with our values, sitting with the sense of guilt might actually help us acknowledge and experience the consequence of this action. Mindfulness technique allows us to make space for this feeling of guilt, and truly listen to what it has to say to us. We make space by letting go of judgment. When we do that, we might find that guilt is no longer guilt, but just an experience like any other experience. And as with any experience, if we truly stay present with it and own it, we can digest it. We can learn and grow from it.

As we digest the experience,  we might even begin to examine whether the guilt was warranted in the first place. Perhaps we were reacting to someone else’s expectations, or adopting someone else’s priorities instead of honoring our own. As we make space for the experience, we have an opportunity to see ourselves more clearly.

When there is no judge, there is no one to be judged as guilty. When we let go of our judgment toward ourselves, the guilt naturally dissipates. What’s left is an experience of connecting with our intuition and inner compass.

Doing this work opens up the door to making choices that align with our value, as we move forward with our life.

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